Marriage. It ain’t just a river in Egypt.

As I was clicking through Yahoo, I stumbled upon a rather interesting list of “Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage.”

Since it’s listed in a Dating 101 section of Redbook, I had a good eye roll wondering what’s being fed to poor, unsuspecting singles.

This was their list:

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?

2. You’ll work harder than you ever imagined.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).

4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.

5. A great marriage doesn’t mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.

6. You’ll realize that you can only change yourself.

7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you’re really made of.

Really?

This is the marriage advice that’s getting passed around these days?

What other obvious things didn’t make the cut?

8. Children can strain even the perfect marriage, or

9. Sometimes the in laws might drive you nuts.

And for the record, #4 is complete horse manure.

I figure I’ve got almost 20 years of relationship experience with the same man – 13 of that actually married, and I imagine that’s probably longer than that junior copywriter who wrote the above crap has been alive.

So I say, let’s really lay it out on the table, shall we?

Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage – according to Em:

1. There will be days when you will want to push your significant other in front of a moving train. I’m not talking the one creeping along from stop to stop. I’m talking about the Bullet variety. For the lucky few, it happens rarely, but rest assured, that thought will enter your mind at least once.

2. Chewing. It will become an issue. Think it won’t? Listen very carefully the next time you two sit down to break bread.

3. Be determined, right out of the starting gate, to establish distinctly separate hobbies. Trust me on this one.

4. That idol you’re currently worshiping, and wouldn’t be able to breath without – yeah, if God made you choose between that person or your child, you wouldn’t even blink before lightening struck your “better half.” The best part about this one, he/she would totally understand.

5. One day you’ll start hiding your favorite snacks because you’re just so %$#@! sick of sharing EVERYTHING!

6. One of you will more than likely become an “out-of-room” talker. You know – you’re busy doing the laundry or typing at your desk, and you get one of these…”Honey, I was wondering mumble, mumble, mumble.” Because you care about this person, you must now stop what you’re doing, cross the house to locate the love of your life so that you might be able to hear the entire crucial question. It’s usually something pretty stupid. Don’t be an enabler. Better yet, don’t be an out-of-room talker.

7. These things will become very important – get the answers in the prenup. Toilet paper – over vs. under? What’s the proper way to load a dish washer? What constitutes a “dent.” Morning Person vs. Night Owl? Hospital corners vs. tucking it under and hoping for the best? When is it cool to ignore a ringing cell phone?

I think that pretty much covers it from my perspective. Other than my Hubs makes all the above worth it. But I want to hear from you, since it’s Friday’s Food for Thought.

Don’t deny it, there’s something your significant other does that just drives your ape-shit. Please, let me know.

Feel free to use the anonymous button if it’s really good.