F.F.F.T. – Good intentions make better neighbors.

by Ash on June 4, 2010

Just to get you up to speed on the drama going down in Wasilla, a one Mr. Joe McGinniss, writer/journalist probably best known for his work “Fatal Vision,” decided to take up residence (thanks to one helpful home owner) next door to one Ms. Sarah Palin, I believe y’all are familiar with her, from now until Labor Day weekend.

Did I mention he’s writing a biography. On Sarah Palin.

Oh, and the houses are only about 15 feet apart.

Yeah.

You can see why Todd built that new stockade fence PDQ.

Now, I’m not going to discuss why I think Mr. McGinniss (interesting Palin article that he’s already written entitled “Pipe Dreams” – though I’m thinking not being big on BP is pretty hip right now) is being intentionally provocative by exercising his right to rent the home next door, or how Ms. Palin might be going the Mean Girls route by exercising her right to free speech and welcoming her neighbor via Facebook – that type of journalism I’m leaving up to HuffPo (take your pick – 10+ links going on there, um, wow) and Big Journalism (three links there).

No, this Southern hound from Hell is going to offer a little advice to Ms. Palin, just in case Mr. McGinniss was lying when he told Matt Lauer that “I’m not observing them at all. I don’t care what they do in the privacy of their own home. I’m here to talk to people who have known them for 40 years in Wasilla.”

Take the high road Sarah.

No more whining or bitching or moaning. Absolutely no more Facebooking, don’t even think about Twitter and get off Beck. No my dear, keep all your teeth gnashing to yourself and then…fuck with him.

Here are just a few ideas Hubs and I came up with in under 10 minutes. Let your creativity flow:

1. Casually drop a positive pregnancy test in the garbage can closest to Joe’s rental. Then strategically place yourself, Bristol, Willow and Piper in different rooms of the house, maybe even in the backyard, bawling your collective eyes out.

2. Make sure to leave Trig’s baby monitor on at ALL times. Especially if you’re planning on having a personal conversation with Todd, say, about how you’re scared to death that the truth about Trig’s birth will now surface.

3. Commission a fake copy of President Obama’s birth certificate. Then have FedEx “accidentally” deliver the envelope next door, with a note signed by David Axelrod saying “You owe me.”

4. Hire every Bill Clinton look alike you can find, and have “him” come and go from the house at all hours.

5. Throw in a couple “Hillary”s as well.

6. Invite the Salahi’s up for some hunting and fishing.

7. Rent your home out to some nice frat boys.

8. Pick a “fight” with your best friend while chatting down at the dock. Make it loud. Make it ugly. Make it about Todd. And Track.

9. Burn your bra in the s’mores pit out back.

10.  Make amends by having Joe over for some “moose” stew.

And I could go on, but my hope is that we’ve inspired you, Ms. Palin, to simmer down. I understand your anger. Mr. McGinniss’ intentions don’t appear to be all that honorable, but I’m sure you can agree, when approached with the correct attitude, this could be a Summer to remember.

(“Friday’s Food for Thought” is just an excuse for me to shoot my mouth off on whatever hot button topic happens to be rattling around in my head. Please don’t click away mad if I touched a nerve. Call me out if you think I’m full of it. I always enjoy a respectful rebuttal. For F.F.F.T., I will post answers in the comment section in order to keep the dialogue open. If you’re a regular reader, but hesitate to expose your political thoughts, please feel free to leave an anonymous comment. Do know that I will be watching, and reserve the right to delete anything that I deem ugly – my blog, my rules. Let’s just be nice though, shall we – I really don’t have time for that crap.)

{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

Swizz June 4, 2010 at 7:58 am

Those are GREAT ideas! Maybe we can help you come up with a few more.

Like…

Okay, it’s too early. I got nothin.

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ash June 4, 2010 at 8:17 am

Grab some coffee and come on back. I’ll be here all day :-)

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Shell June 4, 2010 at 9:08 am

LMAO I love your ideas.

BTW, I gave your POS buttons a shout-out on my blog today and linked to that post. :)

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Ash June 4, 2010 at 10:13 am

Aw, girl, you so rock. Thanks for the linky love!!

I do adore me some visitors. Forgive me for no shower yet today.

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Elaine June 4, 2010 at 9:08 am

These are hilarious!! I particularly like the pregnancy test one and the ‘frat boy’ one. Mostly because frat boys lived in this house before us and our neighbors are SO glad we are here instead. :)

Beachin’ it tomorrow! The oil is getting close… ugh.

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Ash June 4, 2010 at 10:14 am

My brother and his family are heading down there Sunday. I just got off the phone with my mom, and they’re expecting a west wind in the next day or so, so the locals are hopeful it will head back towards LA. Which is difficult to hope for on so many levels.

Travel safe!

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quirkyloon June 4, 2010 at 11:13 am

Ha! Love it!

You and your hubbies ideas totally rock. I don’t think I could (or should) add another. You got it covered. Oh wait! I just thought of something.

She could record herself saying “You betcha.” and play it over and over and over again with the volume turned way up!

That would drive ANY neighbor crazy let alone one who is out to getcha. Ooops. hee hee hee

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Ash June 4, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Honest to goodness. I’m pretty sure he could sue over that.

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tulpen June 4, 2010 at 11:14 am

Ok. So you know how politics makes my butt itch. I’m itching reading this and also laughing even though I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.

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Ash June 4, 2010 at 1:33 pm

You crack me up – scratch that itch girl. It’s fun.

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Swizz June 4, 2010 at 11:26 am

Okay, I’m awake enough for an idea…They could make foil hats and wear them anytime they leave the are outside the house…and then leave some on their neighbors front step with a note telling him they are “saving” him from the aliens. Make the note out of cut up magazines. And write in kid print.

I posted a P.O.S. button on my blog yesterday. I did it last year, too. So fun!

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Ash June 4, 2010 at 1:34 pm

Excellent. I’m betting that’s the warm welcome he was hoping for.

Glad you grabbed a button, again! Oldest is done next Thursday – I feel it looming…

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Jen June 4, 2010 at 11:58 am

I have to agree with Tulpen, I don’t really know what is going on but its funny and that is really all I care about.

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Ash June 4, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Funny was what I was going for, so, yeah! And aren’t you girls lucky that you haven’t filled your smart brains with this muck.

I needed a diversion from the Gulf though. Palin seemed an obvious choice 😉

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Natalie June 4, 2010 at 12:28 pm

FANfreakinTASTIC!!!
You just made my day…and oh how I needed a good laugh.

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Ash June 4, 2010 at 1:36 pm

Hey Natalie!!! So glad I could provide you with a good laugh. Hope all is well. I’ll be by soon.

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froggity! June 4, 2010 at 12:46 pm

CRACKING ME UP!!!!

seriously, a great read. will have to forward this to hubby…

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Ash June 4, 2010 at 1:38 pm

The comment below was supposed to be back to yours – missed the box.

The story of my life.

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Ash June 4, 2010 at 1:37 pm

Zoweee – forwarded to a hubby?!

Won’t my hubby be pleased!

Had that sweet baby boy yet 😉

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Catherine June 4, 2010 at 4:15 pm

Awesome. It seems all too appropriate to try to mess with him a but without letting him know that they are messing with him.

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ash June 4, 2010 at 7:59 pm

Bwaahahahaaaaa.

It’s a shame she probably won’t take my advice.

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mama-face June 4, 2010 at 4:51 pm

hahahahahaha.

I know I should make some pithy political comment…but all I can do is laugh. You’re a genius. Oh yeah, the Hubs is as well.

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ash June 4, 2010 at 8:00 pm

Oh yeah, the Hubs is a genius, because he married me 😉

Glad I could give you a laugh!

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nicole June 4, 2010 at 8:53 pm

HA! Love it.

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ash June 6, 2010 at 10:37 am

Thanks Nicole!!

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kate June 4, 2010 at 9:16 pm

Oh how I wish you still lived here. I would love to cozy up next to you on the couch and let you make me laugh all day long.

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ash June 6, 2010 at 10:37 am

I have a bulletin board over my desk space where I’m desperately trying to pound out a story (I can’t even bring myself to call it a n, n, novel) – I’m printing out your e-mail and pinning it there. Seriously. That’s one of the coolest and nicest thing anyone has ever told me.

But my three-dimensional-world friends can attest, I’m not half as funny as I think I am :-)

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The Redhead Riter June 4, 2010 at 9:24 pm

4. Hire every Bill Clinton look alike you can find, and have ”him” come and go from the house at all hours.

I can’t stop laughing at this one!!!

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ash June 6, 2010 at 10:38 am

I debated whether or not it should read “George W.,” but I thought Bill was more believeable – the cad.

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Lawyer Mom June 5, 2010 at 9:29 pm

You, my dear, are BRILLIANT!

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ash June 6, 2010 at 10:39 am

Takes one to know one.

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Texasholly June 6, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Perfect.

I think YOU should run!

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ash June 7, 2010 at 9:16 pm

…away? Yes please.

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