The Red Dress Club challenge: Last week we worked on dialogue. This week? It’s all about description. Your assignment: write a first-person piece about either eating your favorite food or taking a shower – without using a personal pronoun.
I chose to go with the meal, because any version of the shower scene kept coming out too steamy, and my mom occasionally reads this stuff. Writing without using personal pronouns was a challenge for sure, but one that really stretched my brain – thanks ladies!
“That ain’t no regular cracker.”
Wasn’t it Eddie Murphy who joked about sex and Saltines? It’s been over 25 years, but that memory still brings a giggle, which now echos down the metal hallway, eventually getting lost among the sounds of crying children and groaning injured.
Eddie was so right.
Discovered in the back of a long-deserted pantry, this precious Saltine, probably once purchased to ease a sour stomach or maybe to quiet a teething baby, will now sustain. The crispy crunch, a slight hint of butter, just a tease of more fulfilling bread – it’s better than any fillet ever consumed, even when served on a lap masquerading as a plate.
Starvation has a way of altering the perspective on “Special of the Day.”
Two left.
One left.
Crumbs.
Don’t miss any.
It’s been almost three months since the dirty bombs filled the streets. At this point, landing a four-course meal feels more probable than curling up on a cozy couch to laugh along with Bobby at a Blu-ray of “Raw.”
Bobby.
There’s commotion at the front of the shelter. The Gatherers must be back.
Pray clean water was found.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Nice one Ash…. i liked the way you have turned this prompt into such an intense write… good work
Interesting take on this (altho I do love me a good saltine). I like it, it’s definitely unexpected.
Good job.
Great job. This sounds like the beginning of something.
Stopping by from the red dress club
Sorry for the dark nature of the post guys.
As I mentioned to Ratz earlier, with food allergies and PKU filling my world, a love letter to food just calls for a level of creativity far beyond my limited talent.
There’s a book here, a full-length novel waiting to be told….I wasn’t ready to let it go…..you should continue with this just to see where it leads…..excellent…
Oooh, apocalyptic! Me likey!
I love end of the world stories.
It’s the optimism in me.
Great job! Very original!
Wow. You absolutely slay me every week. I love the buttery details, and I truly love the in-the-moment narration. Tense. Perfect.
Nothing better than a pack of zesta saltines while reading an excellent novel.
Great job. I’m so curious about the rest of this story.
I love “Two left. One left…” It’s perfect, you can see them disappearing, even the crumbs. : )
Ooh! Great job! I want to read more of this story. Really intense.
Love how you made it post-apocalyptic! One of my favorite genres – go figure.
Each time I come here, you have written in a different style. You make it seem so easy, too.
THis one was so quiet and pivate, it was only you in the pantry.
I liked this.
I see a book in your future. This means I see a signed copy in my future, right? RIGHT?
This is, as usual, just filled with so much. I think the talent of a writer can so best be seen in a few short sentences. And your few short sentences are packed with punch and life and this feeling of doom and what came before. So well done.
This is great. I want more.
I like the dark.
I had to read the comments before I got this one. Sorry, I never go to the “dark” so I was lost. I would have written about Dr.Pepper and the ice from Sonic so that explains why you are the writer and I am the dummy trying to keep up.
great job but please don’t scare me like that again….
NW
PS: and now you HAVE to write a shower one just to show you CAN. We all know it’s fiction…ehhh hmmmm.
What a great take on the exercise. I was glued to the story of your saltines! Really enjoyed this.
Excellent. And deliciously teasing. Was the water clean?
You definitely have a talent for crafting a story using each word very purposefully. I really admire that.