Today’s challenge: I thought we’d write a short piece of prose (or a poem if you so choose) from the perspective of a broken inanimate object. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a toaster but it should most definitely be inanimate!
Oh Erika, your timing could not have been more perfect.
—————-
“Where’s Tom Hanks?”
I watch her sitting at the kitchen table. Annoyed.
How’s that checkbook lookin’?
Sighs. Comes to my door. Rips me open.
Watch it, sister, you’re letting out the cold.
I stop the drip. drip. drip.
Slams door. Ouch. That better not be a fingerprint.
More sighs.
Bwahahaa. drip. drip. drip. Morse Code for bring the pain.
Pool light answered the call. Flash of brilliance. $554.
Pool equipment GFCI next. Shocking really. $60.
drip. drip. drip.
Lawn mower sacrificed. Spewing parts in a beautiful death. $275.
Microwave door lever snapped. Wait…only $60, again?
Curse you home warranty.
No worries. Currently in negotiation with AC unit.
Not. Covered.
Neither am I.
drip. drip. drip.
Wanna joke about moving again?
Time to refinance, beeyotch.
—————-
This has seriously been my last three weeks. I don’t even want to touch my car.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh wow!!! I really enjoyed the way this prose began!!! Feels so good to read again!
You’re sweet. Sadly, this thing practically wrote itself.
Off to sell a kidney…
That is really great! I love it. And I’m sorry to hear about your last few weeks. I know that feeling! Especially the part about not wanting to touch your car – I have THE worst luck with vehicles.
Thanks Colleen. Just feels like it’s coming in 10s these days. Knock on wood.
Aww you poor thing! I’m pretty sure i’ve had that week before! When it rains… it pours. (HATE that saying! Lol)
I love that someone else uses the phrase ‘watch it sister’!
This is my life in a nutshell it seems just when i think everything is fixed or going well BAM and I’m not talking emeril Legasse
Heres hoping that, that list is the end…
Ugh. Yes. You need just one thing to go right, you know?
As we say in my house, “I can’t ever catch a break”.
I hate to even write this to jinx it….but our 26 yr old AC unit keeps chugging away…working very, very hard…so hard that it uses lots of energy. So much energy that the last power bill was $600 and the one prior was $550 and the one prior was $420. In the winter it is $50. Come on winter!!!
I hope you catch a break soon!
The Tom Hanks reference took me a minute but then I laughed out loud.
I FEEL your pain! BTDT. Every time we buy a new house, we joke about the stuff that goes wrong the month we move in. And everyone I know has lost their garbage disposal within two weeks of moving in. Seriously. It’s a racket.
Well done!
I am reading so many great entries! My story telling skills are so rustry this is great
I can relate to this…though for me it was many years ago. Now I have a more reliable car, thank god
Oh, no! You haven’t had the best luck lately. Me, I just break all things electronic.
Uh-oh.
Hope that’s the end of it.
How unfortunate for you, but I love where it took this piece.
I feel your annoyance with this piece. drip. drip. drip.
I think that is why they invented Chinese Water Torture. (involves dripping water.)
Good job. Stopping by from the red dress club.
Oh girl, I’m sorry!!! Geez, that’s a lot at once. You have my permission to have a bottle (or 2) of wine!
I don’t want to say anything for fear of angering the appliance Gods.
Crap. Now I’m gonna have to slaughter a squirrel or something to keep my dryer going.
Loving the rhythms of the drip drip drip.
My mother always says things come in threes – so often she is proved right and then some. Hopefully you are done now with home maintenance bad news, that is never fun.
It really took me too long to grasp the Tom Hanks thing… but, oh yes, did this resonate.
Mine has an attitude, too.
i’m a mind reader.
like the way you wrote this – and my microwave door handle is perpetually broken. ’tis life. sigh…
I’m glad I’m not the only one whose house has made a devil’s pact with the Home Depot gods. I feel your pain!